Running in the Dark
No, seriously. I went running in the dark.
Nothing different than any night from the past week and a half. I have really come to enjoy running at night. But tonight... I went running the dark.
For the past week and half, I find myself itching to go running at night. I enjoy the silence. I enjoy the heavy breathing as every inhale and exhale enters and leaves my lungs. I enjoy the beads of stress rolling down my face. I enjoy the ecstasy of adrenaline running through my veins. I enjoy feeling so exhausted that it literally puts me to sleep because I have not been able to fall asleep voluntarily for the past month. It feels good to be able to sleep.
But tonight, for the first time, I had no idea where I was running. It was not a different path or road. It was the same route I have been taking for the past ten days. And for some crazy reason, the night was darker than usual that I literally could not see what was in front of me. It kind of scared me. I kept thinking I was going to fall flat on my face (which I did a few nights ago). Not only did I think I would fall on my face, but I was sure of it that my time would be super slow. I kept thinking to myself, "Gez Cathy, get it together or you'll fall behind..." and strangely enough, I doubted myself enough to the point where I was convinced that it was a dumb idea to go running in the first place. I was so frustrated, I almost stopped and just started walking. But I knew I would kick myself harder for giving up than just finishing the job with what I had left in my body. "What is wrong with me?" I kept thinking to myself. "Why is it so dark?"
There comes a time in all our lives where we feel like we are just running in the dark with no perception of what lies ahead, yet, we keep going. All we can do is hope that our experiences have made us strong enough to find the way without tripping or falling on our face. Some of us may actually give up and decide the run is not worth it - and so we start walking instead, taking twice as long to finish the marathon... while some others may keep running. Regardless, the darkness is something we never forget because - good or bad - it makes us who we are today.
Do I make any sense? Cause if not, I blame the darkness. Haha, but really. Some of you may think I sound silly right? It's okay - if I sound silly then that means you have been very fortunate to not understand what I am talking about. Take every day as a lesson and do not beat yourself up too much. And to those of you who know what I am talking about then I hope you kept running because nobody is going to be able to help you cross that finish line but yourself. And if you have stopped, then get up and do not give up.
Start today.
Start right now.
Start your run because you will be amazed at what you are capable of living through. And when it may feel like you cannot make it, keep going anyway because you owe it to yourself to give it your all.
Tonight, I went running in the dark. And I survived. I should sleep good tonight.
